Thursday, July 31, 2008

True Love

I have a take on all this talk about love...

I believe that as a society we have a confused interpretation of what love is. I have been in love twice in my life. One love good, one love bad. However, neither one has been a swooning, make my heart melt, butterflies in my stomach, head-swooning at his touch kind of love.

Love is a rational emotion. Screw all those people who say love is blind, love is irrational or the heart does what the heart wants. That's bull crap! When you are picking out who to fall in love with and I do believe that it is picking... you should be making a conscious choice. You should be asking yourself several questions, including:

1. Will he stand by me through thick and thin?

2. Does he think I am the best thing that ever happened to him? (but in a realistic way, he has to still be aware of your faults)

3. Is the sex good? Will I be happy only having sex with this man for the rest of my life.

4. Will a life with him be the life I want? (and I say this in regards to standard of living)

5. Does he like me for me and do I like him for him?

No matter how much you "like" someone, he is going to bug the shit out of you sometimes and the reality is that you are going to bug the shit out of him sometimes. How will those moments be handled?

Yes, I believe true love exists. I truly love my husband. I love that he is kind and gentle, doesn't have a mean or selfish bone in his body. I love that I didn't settle for something, that I married the best person I have ever known. There have been times where I've gotten bored with our relationship, I wouldn't call us passionate, but we are steady and secure. He is a "soft," "safe" place for me to land when the rest of the world beats me up. And I believe THAT is true love.

Love is not the stuff movies are made of, it is not the stuff in love songs. I'm not a romantic person, I don't believe all the romantic hooey! Love in the real world isn't swoony, instead it is work. Love is finding someone you like, someone you respect, who feels the same way about you. Love is making a conscious decision that having this person's companionship is worth giving up some of your selfishness for. Love is deciding that someone else's happiness is the most important thing to you, but this only works if your happiness is the most important thing to him.

All I have to say is damn those movies and songs who give us a false impression. Damn them for making it look easy. I think these stupid movies are what contribute to the incredibly high divorce rate. A romance and courtship like those in the movies isn't likely cut out for success. What do you think happens to those characters when they bug each other, what happens when there is no money? What happens when they are both cranky because they've been up with sick kids all night? Or when there is a bitchy ex wife to deal with? Movies never show what happens when the rubber hits the road. A good, kind, reliable man (not necessarily a beautiful man) is what you need when the rubber hits the road. Love only lasts when you decide that you know the tough parts that are going to be present, you go in with your eyes wide open and you decide that you can live with those issues. You've picked your battles and are up to the challenges. You decide that even when crap comes up, you are getting enough benefit out of the situation that it is worth what you are putting in to it.

-The Short of it

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