Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Prostitute Fridays....

So, back at the ranch (and by ranch I mean funny farm) I needed a TB test to begin substitute teaching. #1 not really sure I wanna substitute but living at ma and pa's house and need money and #2 I have no insurance, I'm not working, so where does one go to get a TB test?? I'll tell you where....the FREE CLINIC! Oh the joys of the free clinic....which, by the way, I might add that it's not really free! False advertising!! Now, don't get me wrong, I'm really not a snob, I don't think only bad people go to free clinics, but it's just not where I would prefer to spend a Friday morning. So, I muster all the courage I have to walk in and say, "I need a TB test"....pause in my brain tells me to add something to this sentence so they don't think I think that I actually have TB...."I need it to substitute teach." This was a bad move because instead of making myself look better, I actually succeeded in making the girl roll her eyes like she didn't believe me. I mine as well have said "I'm here for my monthly antibiotics for my syphilis and gonorrhea."

At this point she asks me to fill out some paperwork and pay my "not so free" $20. There were definitely some confusing and complicated questions on the paperwork. One asked for my monthly income....this is a free clinic, why do I need monthly income....left it blank. Second, they asked my occupation or if I had insurance. THIS IS A FREE CLINIC PEOPLE!! Hurry up and test me for TB before I actually contract it sitting here!! I turn in the papers to the eye-rolling troll lady and she again asks me what my income is and I tell her "I have none, that's why I'm here!" This time her eyes went so far up in her head I didn't think they were gonna come back! She tells me to take a seat and they will call me.

To this point, I had not really been aware of the numerous people in the oh so clean waiting room, but as I sat down for my hour wait for a stupid little shot, I began to notice a theme. Clearly, Friday's are "Prostitute STD Check" days at the free clinic and I wish someone would have sent me that memo. There was a plethora of pleather miniskirts and leopard print tube tops, clear platform heels and blue eyeshadow. I'm not sure if they were gearing up for the weekend rush, but they had clearly all been shopping for new outfits together recently. Maybe Thursday is discount day at the 5 and Dime?! I felt a twinge of guilt as I sat on my sanctimonious high-horse and began to judge them, but that soon passed and again I was hearing the voice in my head laughing hysterically at the fact that they were all dressed up to come to the free clinic. I then became fearful for the seat I was sitting in hoping beyond hope that my jeans were thick enough to fight off any yuckiness! They one by one were called back by a nurse and they one by one came out with a mysterious brown paper bag....antibiotics? condoms? a combo pack? I'll never know....I soon got my shot, ran screaming from the place, drove home as fast as I could, and showered for 30 which point I realized I had to go back to that place in three days to have the test read, I'm sure I'm gonna get charged for that too!!

**The Long of It**

Monday, October 6, 2008

The name of the game....

Disappointment really seems to be the name of the game for me lately and it's a hard pill to swallow. As my job has declined and the money as dried up, I made the very hard decision to move back where I came from (again, if I told ya I'd have to kill ya). I was, out of the blue, presented with a job in the same town as The Short of It and really wanted that to work out....for more see "Mothers and Daughters." So, now I have myself all geared up to be on my own, and have my own place again, and take this adventure as a single parent. It had taken me a good amount of time to accept the change in direction and embrace what my life would have been. And then today, the lady I was supposed to meet with to finalize the job, tells me the job no longer's moving to New York!
How do I take another disappointment? It's literally been one thing after marriage fails, my good paying job goes to shit, gotta move home with mom and dad and leave my life and the people that I have grown to love, great job I could have had goes out the window....where does it end? I really try to listen when people say "whatever is supposed to happen will" and "enjoy the journey" but it's becoming comical just how much in life goes wrong! So here I am, looking for a job again, sleepin in my mom's guest room, getting scolded to clean the bathroom and all I can help but feel is that I'm moving backward.

**The Long of It**

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Burial @ Sea....

I know I've been a little M.I.A. Ok, we both have been a little M.I.A. Life can really get tough sometimes and it takes the little things to remind us that it aint so bad. My grandmother died in March and we delayed the burial because she wanted her ashes scattered into the ocean. Seeing as her birthday is October 2nd, we decided that it would be a perfect time to charter a boat, gather the entire fam (from Louisiana to Guatemala....I kid you not) and put Grandma to rest. We all congregated on California's central coast, including her 4 children and their 2 spouses, 4 grandchildren and their 2 spouses, and 9 great-grandchildren and boarded a boat to the open water. We brought Grandma in her beautiful urn....actually she was in a thick plastic bag in the urn and a lot of flowers to accompany the ashes. When we were safely 3 miles out (we don't want Grandma ending up in the drinking water) the boat stopped and people began to share stories and thoughts about our Grandma. It was nice and touching and the sun peaked out of the fog....very picturesque. When we were done it was time for my mom to scatter the ashes and we started to throw the flowers into the water and say our individual goodbyes. When she was sufficiently memorialized the boat started again and the captain drove the boat in a circle 3 times to draw the ashes and flowers together and mark the space where she would rest. I stood on the back of the boat with my mom and my dad, my brother and my boys and we all cried....and then halfway through the second turn around the burial site, a seagull landed in the middle of the flowers and ashes. It was hilarious. This oblivious little bird landed right on the middle of our beloved grandmother's ashes and looked at us like we were crazy. It made us all laugh as we circled this sacred spot watching the seagull watch us and as we pulled away from the spot, the bird flew out of the water and in the opposite direction. Life is funny that way person's holy ground is another creature's pit stop.

**The Long of It**