I was asked by a good friend recently exactly what I thought about love.....is it real, is it like the movies, what about love songs?? I initially told her I was the wrong person on this subject because I was too jaded and I would ask The Short of it to write about it cause she's in love and happy. She reminded me that jaded people need support too, so here goes my attempt to explain the ridiculousness called LOVE.
My first example of love was my parents. They have been married for 31 years....pretty happily I think. They have never been separated and the word "divorce" has never been uttered in their house. I think my parents had the right idea....they didn't marry until my mom was 27 and my dad was 30. There is no way, I don't care who you are, that you should do what I did and marry at 20! There is no way to have the maturity or life experience to handle what life will throw out you when you leave the nest. My parents are great friends and a good balance. My dad handles the finances and happily does dishes after dinner and my mom keeps the house up and makes sure my dad doesn't mess anything up too bad. But ask me what the key to a 30 year marriage is, I have no idea!
A little background....I was married young, had 2 kids and after 8 years we separated and are now divorcing. The love I shared with my X was an interesting thing. We are really great friends and good co-parents, but as a married couple we sucked! if that's what married love is supposed to be....I'M OUT! I understand that the passion may fade and the honeymoon ends, but I was suffocating from the lack of attention, affection, and damn it, I'll say it, the lack of SEX! I believe that it's not always gonna be the way it is in the beginning of a relationship, but Dear God can we do it more then once a month?? Beyond the physical, there was a general lack of caring for my general well being. I'm pretty sure when you tell someone who "loves" you that you've lost yourself and you're dying, they should CARE! Call me crazy? So, back to the hellish dating world I go!
"Movie love" and "love song love" belong exactly where they are....in LA LA Land. That stuff does not exist in real life. It's ok to have butterflies and feel all the infatuation and lust, but that part doesn't last. I think that type of love that talks about "watching you while you sleep" and "can't live without you" is not real and damn those song writers for making us think it does. People get together and people fall apart. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
So, what will I look for the second time around? Look out for the crazy! I understand that everyone has their issues, but there's a fine line between quirky and mentally ill. I will look for a man that is financially, or at least career stable. No more unemployment!! I need someone who appreciates me....as a woman, as a mother, as a person and won't allow me to lose myself ever again. I want the completeness and wholeness that people talk about.....someone who holds me together and keeps me grounded. Do you think he exists?? If he does he's probably already taken!
**The Long of it**