I wasn't sure that I wanted to blog about this because it is a sensitive situation and I don't want to sound harsh or heartless, but I think it might be a situation other people have dealt with and I was curious to explore the issue. The Short of it played matchmaker a few months ago. She gave my email address to a guy she worked with. He seemed perfect on paper! He has a great job, and beyond that, a great career. He is in his late thirties, never been married, with no kids. She always felt he was very polite and really seemed to have his life together. We exchanged emails for a few weeks and I really liked everything he had to say. He seemed to have the right answers without even meaning to. He was very open and honest and so was I....I was probably too honest, I tend to have that problem. After a few weeks we started talking on the phone. The conversations were often, long, and in depth. I really started to like him. At this point, there were a couple red flags. First, he seemed to drink a little more then I did and he wasn't very nice when he drank. But, I'm no prude and excused the unkindness because of the alcohol. Second, he had a "crazy ex-girlfriend"....this always disturbs me because there are 2 sides to every story.
After about a month of talking on the phone, I made the drive (7 hours mind you) to stay at The Short of it's house and spend some time with Mr. X. We talked on the phone during my long drive, but this did not go well. He had been drinking and was kinda being mean! He said I was "fussy and uptight" and some other things that I have blocked out because I was so angry. No one had ever talked to me that way and I wasn't having any part of it. When I got to The Short of it's house, I called him and left a message saying this wasn't going to work and I didn't want to see him. A few hours later, after I was asleep, he called and text several times saying how sorry he was and that he didn't mean to offend me. The next day, The Short of it's husband talked to him and he seemed really remorseful so I decided to talk to him. It was really hard and I really felt like I should be out on this guy, but he looked so good on paper and he was so willing to do anything to make it better. So, after a long talk with The Short of it we decided that the best thing was for Mr. X to come to dinner at her house. He quickly agreed and we had a nice evening together and even went for a drive after dinner. I was back in.....and more then ever I really liked this guy.
I went home and we continued to talk on the phone. It was difficult because I was so far away and some things about him irritated me, but he still looked so good on paper that I pushed through all of that. Also, at this point, there were more red flags. I had shared with him some issues I had with post-partum depression and my Grandmother being Bipolar. This is when he informed me he had been diagnosed Bipolar. I know what you might be thinking.....run screaming!! But it's not that easy. I didn't see it, he seemed so normal. And there are differing degrees of mental illness and who was I to judge, I had been through post-partum depression, TWICE! So, I pushed on.
He decided to fly out to visit me and we went to stay at a nice resort. I think this was the beginning of the end. First, he didn't like that I could be there and we could just be quiet. He wanted us to always be talking. He also didn't sleep at night. He would get up at 3am and be up for the day. He drank A LOT.....from the time he got there to the time he left, it was constant. At one point, someone knocked at the door and he flipped out about people "bugging us," complete with 4 letter words and stomping around. Later, we went to walk around the mall and he had a full on panic attack about being around a lot of people. I felt bad for him, but something was clearly wrong.
After his departure, paranoia and crazy speculation ensued. If I did not answer my phone or call him back right away he thought I was dead, got a DUI, or was having sex with another guy! What?!?! Huh?!?! It didn't make sense. The next week he went to the doctor and was re-diagnosed Bipolar and put on meds. I was happy that he was getting help, but I felt stuck. I didn't want to be mean or kick him while he was down, but I was for sure out. I tried to remain friendly, but a barrage of texts and phone calls at 2am a few weeks later pushed me over the edge!
Here was my dilemma...I was out because he is Bipolar. Is that bad, mean, wrong?? He knew the horrible, life scarring issues I had with my Grandmother being Bipolar.....could he really expect me to put myself, not to mention my children, in that type of situation? Well, I know he did....but would anyone else? I had children to think about and this was no minor case of Bipolar. Why would I choose that life? But I felt like I was discriminating against someone with a disability! That's not nice or politically correct. If he had a brain tumor, would that make him undateable? He's sick, he has an illness....is it ok to choose not to get on the crazy train?? It's been 3 weeks now with no contact....a part of me is immensely relieved, but another part of me has so many questions.
**The Long of it**
P.S. I knew I did the right thing when I found out last week that his doctor made him take a month off of work and he has stage 2 liver damage!!