How much honesty is REALLY necessary in a marriage? I have been married for a couple of years now and I still think about the fact that I wasn't completely honest with my husband during our courtship. Actually, there was just one lie that I told him that I haven't completely fessed up to, or fessed up to at all.
Let me explain:
When my first marriage ended, I was a little devastated. My first husband had been extremely unfaithful and my confidence was very shaken. Almost immediately, there were a couple of men that I worked with that began flirting with me. It felt great. The first guy (who was very good looking) really only amounted to a couple of make-out sessions and nothing more. The second guy (who was definitely no Fabio) was someone that I worked very closely with. As a matter of fact he was a member of my department. T had just recently been divorced. He was 31, and slightly balding with a tummy pooch, but he was a really good, kind person. We started talking. He invited me over for drinks and I got drunk on Tequila, much to his amusement. That night he cleaned up my puke and put me to bed in his bed while he slept on the floor. Definitely a gentlemen. One thing led to another, probably mostly my initiative and we started sleeping together. I believe he fell in love with me, but for me it was just a self-esteem boost. T started getting a little too attached and before I knew it I was feeling smothered. I ended the relationship.
A short time after my relationship with T, two things happened. First, I met my husband and almost instantly knew that the relationship with him was EXACTLY what I was looking for. Second, T was promoted at work and became my boss. I didn't tell T about my new love for quite a while, didn't even tell him we were getting married until the Friday before the wedding. When I did finally tell him, he was very supportive and expressed a strong desire for my happiness.
But the real issue comes with my husband. He is not a jealous man by any means. He knew early on that I had a casual relationship with T, and was only mildly bothered by it. Of course, I did lie though. When we were first dating my husband asked me if I had slept with T. I Lied! I told him I hadn't. He asked me if that was a lie and I lied again. He took me at my word and the matter dropped there. I went on to work under the management of T for two years and there was never an issue, no one was uncomfortable.
Over two years later, I still think about that one lie I told during our courtship. I wonder if this is a terrible flaw that I have created in our relationship. Obviously, no good would come of fessing up now. I know that my husband had partners that we haven't discussed, there is no need to. But I don't believe he has flat out lied about any of them. T did happen well before I knew my husband, does he need to know my entire past before him? Does this one lie mean that our relationship is built on an unstable foundation?
-The Short of It