As a child, you are always told you have your whole life in front of you. You can be whatever you want to be and do whatever you want to do. You have so many things to look forward to. As you enter adolescences, you realize the things you like to do and the things you are good at. This begins to narrow the field of opportunities. Young adulthood is full of figuring out exactly who you are as you start to make choices that will effect the rest of your life, except, for most of us, we never realize how much it will. As I approach the big 3-0 in a couple months, the point at which I consider myself a full fledged adult, I can't help but feel like "How did I get here?"
How did I get to be a single mom of 2, working at a job I don't particularly like, not ready to date, not ready to be alone, and generally completely lost. I can't even fathom some of the choices I made to get to this point, but they sure sounded like good ideas at the time. I've always just tried the best I could with what I had, but somehow that doesn't seem good enough anymore. I'm gonna need to get some psychic ability to get through the next 30 years or I'm toast.
Don't get me wrong, I like who I am and I understand that I wouldn't be that person if I had not been through everything I have. But I always wonder what would have happened if I had taken a slightly different path at crucial points in my life. Should I have chosen to raise my son alone when I found out I was pregnant out of wedlock at the age of 20? Should I have said no to the moving out of state for an unstable job? Should I have persevered in the career I really wanted? Should I now, as I stand at a crossroads in my life, chose to return to the place where it all started and try to start over?
I've tried to hone my psychic ability, but I don't think it's working, so I guess I'm going to have to continue to do the best I can with what I know. Starting over is never easy, but it does allow you to change your path and choose something different. I'm choosing something different, something that can be better for me and better for my boys. I'm choosing to take them home, where people love and care for them. It's not the easy choice, but most hard things are worth the work. As long as I continue to keep the future in view and forgive myself for past mistakes, I can't go wrong.
**The Long of it**