I got the strangest phone call from my ex. He wanted to know if he was a bad father (do you really want to ask me this question); He told me that he has been struggling with the choices he made and wondering if he has screwed our kids up with his selfishness (no, only because they have such an amazing mother and wonderful stepfather); He told me that we could have loved each other forever (ummm, I was never really in love with you). Yeah, I had some reactions to what he was saying, but there I was talking calmness into him. Instead of the things I really wanted to say to him, I reassured him that he is a good father, that we needed to get a divorce because we weren't happy and that in the best of times we were dysfunctional.
The whole conversation left me with a bit of an ego boost. I had the distinct impression that if I weren't remarried he would have asked me to give him another chance, there was an acknowledgement that he lost the best thing that ever happened to him. After the ego deflation that our divorce was, it was nice to have the ego boost. More than anything, though, it was WEIRD! Is it really still my job to comfort him, to put him back together when he is upset? Yeah, I'm a coward, I could have told him some things straight up... but in reality I'm glad that he shit on our marriage. I'm grateful that he gave me an excuse to get out of the bad marriage. And, if I must be honest, I guess I'm glad that we still have a decent enough relationship that he feels comfortable enough to call me with his weird self-doubt issues.
--The Short of It