STBY

My sweet husband can be a bit of a nerd. Yes, he works with computers, yes he is shy... despite these signs on the surface his nerdiness isn't always apparent. For example, most people are not aware that he collects watches. The more specialized the watch, the cooler he thinks it is. He has one that has a calculator (Urkle, watch out!), one that has a remote control on it (giving him hours of entertainment changing television channels in sports bars without anyone knowing the culprit) and he has one that is an "mp4" player and plays videos and music. Typically, he doesn't wear these watches in public and no one is usually aware of the secret collection.

Not enough to convince you? Well, I have more evidence. He will not spend more than $10 for a pair of shoes, $2 for a shirt and $5 for a pair of pants. Somehow, he manages to pull himself together to appear as decent dresser, probably aided by the fact that he is a very handsome man.

But, when I really realized that my husband was a nerd was prior to our marriage. We would send emails to each other throughout the day when we were at work. I was aware of the common chat acronyms which include lol, c-ya, etc. But in our emails he began throwing in some that I wasn't familiar with. "STBY" and "OTP" were his favorites. Needing an explanation on what they meant, I asked. He told me that they are acronyms he has invented for "Sucks to be you" and "on the phone." He went on to tell me that he is quite sure they will eventually catch on. I realized that this is a 30-something year-old's attempt at creating a new slang. An attempt to create something that others will give their approval to and begin using themselves. I've gotten used to his acronyms now, sometimes even forgetting that they are his own creations.

His idiosyncrasies are VERY endearing. I love that he is frugal, and that he has his cute little nerdy ways.

The other day I had a few minutes and found myself feeling curious about chat acronyms. I googled it. I discovered a whole, extensive list of them.
http://www.netlingo.com/index.cfm

I felt disappointed that the cute acronyms that my husband is so sure he "invented" are also included on the list, cause someone else thought of them too... or maybe it is just proof that they did "catch on." Yeah, that's it! (at least that's what I'll tell him)

--The Short of It

Single Dads....

I understand that for 8 years my X was used to me taking care of everything. It's actually one of the reasons I left him. I was tired of always being responsible for everything. In the apparent fantasy world I live in, I thought if I left him he would be on his own when he had the kids. I was woefully wrong! I am still responsible for EVERYTHING!! I have to call to make sure he has them do their homework. And call him to make sure he puts money under their pillows when their teeth fall out. And call him to make sure he has them brush their teeth. It's ridiculous! Some of these things are so common sense, but he can't seem to remember.

Today, my Kindergartner came home with a progress report that said he didn't turn in his homework. I had specifically made sure it was in his backpack when I dropped him off on Friday and reminded him to turn it in. Apparently, when his dad picked him up on Friday and allllll weekend long, he did not check either of the boys' backpacks for papers or homework or anything. So today, we find out the little one never turned in his homework. And when I ask my X if the homework is still in his backpack, he checks and says, yes indeed, it is still there!! How hard is it to take 30 seconds to go through their backpacks on Friday afternoon to make sure there isn't anything important?

Oh well, gotta go, need to call the X to make sure he feeds the boys dinner!! UGH!!

**The Long of It**

Post-divorce syndrome

Why is it that there doesn't seem to be any information out there about the emotions we feel post divorce? Women's magazines are filled with information about applying eyeliner, keeping our man happy in bed and organizing our laundry room, but there is nothing to prepare us for what we will experience after a divorce.

My kids started soccer last week. This translates to at minimum one hour a week that their dad and I stand side-by-side on the soccer field watching them and making conversation. The first time we went through a soccer season we were right in the throws of this divorce, then we didn't do soccer for a season and now this year we have clearly both moved on to a new phase in our lives. Yet we stand there talking to each other and presenting a united front for our children.

This time spent together brings up some very strange emotions for me. Sometimes the conversations make me miss him. I miss the familiarity, I miss our friendship, I miss our shared history. I don't miss being married to him, but I still grieve the loss of the dream of our happily-ever after. I would never trade my current husband for my ex, but every now and then it makes me question if I really did the right thing by filing for divorce. I didn't have any choice! But it does make me look back and wonder if I could have done anything different. What roll did I play in the divorce and could I have saved the dream?

Logic knows the answer to my hearts questions, but I still think about them from time to time. I think this is normal. I wish these emotions were something that people talked about. I wish I could express them openly without fear of people questioning my love for my current husband. Divorce is so prevalent in our society, but all we talk about is the anger and the hurt. I think that there are many more complex emotions in play when we divorce someone that we share so much with.

--The Short of It

Jobs

So, I think that The Long of It's Karma backfired on me. I was notified yesterday that after 4 years with my company, my job will be moved across country at the end of the year. They have given me four months notice to regroup and rearrange my life, which I'm grateful for. It is disappointing that I can feel so easily replaced after 4 years of dedicated service.

The only thing I've ever truly longed for in life is security. I'm not sure that security can truly be achieved working in the private sector. My initial gut reaction plan is that I'm going to work toward obtaining my teaching credential. It looks like The Long of It and I might be working on this at the same time. We were both raised by the stable income of teachers. We are both contemplating returning to what we know.

This is scary at 30 years old! It is scary to be starting over, to be working on something we should have done when we were 21.

--The Short of It

I have a question....

I work in an industry that has been hit really hard by the slump in the economy and the layoffs are many and frequent, apparently there are 15 more layoffs coming in the next week. This is a very scary time for all of us. I recently decided to move back near my family and leave my current job, but this isn't supposed to happen for a month and a half. My job is partially based on performance and productivity, or so I've been told, and they will cut based on numbers. Purely based on those numbers, I am in the top third in my department so I'm not really in jeopardy to lose my job. But I know that I'm leaving. So, my moral dilemma is, do I keep my job even though I know I'm leaving soon and watch someone else who I care about lose their job? Is it ok to stay even though I know it might mean someone else is out of a job, someone who has a family and children? I know the importance is to always take care of ourselves first and I obviously have my own children to think about, but I can't help feeling that if I was let go and someone else quit a month later, I might be a little upset. Generally, I think I care more about other people then i should and more then they care about me, so I know I should keep my mouth shut and work as long as I can, but am I seriously damaging my Karma??

**The Long of It**

WT day at the pool....

"WT" is an acronym my friends and I affectionately use for "white trash." Somehow this term seems more politically correct to us. I know, it's not politically correct at all to judge people, but it's my only joy in life. Yesterday, I saw the worst case of WT and I just must share! The boys and I went to the pool in the evening so I could try to ware them out. From a distance, the pool seemed full, but this was an inaccurate observation. We went in and put our stuff on a chair and I took a seat while the boys proceeded to get into the pool and this was the scene: six adults playing volleyball with a large yellow ball with a smiley face on it. There were 3 men and 3 women. I'm not sure how they were all related, but I'm positive there was some kind of inbreeding going on. The oldest man was missing his front eight teeth....this did not deter him from smiling incessantly. The 2 other men had mean mullets with matching facial hair. One of the women was slender and not bad looking, until she smiled and was missing just one of her front teeth. Her mother must be so proud! The 2 other women were no less then 250 lbs....and wearing bikinis! Oh yes, bikinis....and string bikinis no less. In addition, each woman had no less then 4 visible tattoos. And then there were the children...i think there were about 6 of them, all under the age of about 6. One boy had a duck-tail...oh yeah, a full fledged duck tail! Who does that to a child in 2008?!?! One little girl, who was about 18 months old was wearing 1 floaty and playing in the spa....no one watching her! And then there was a very small baby in a car seat sleeping, and by sleeping I mean baking in the 103 degree heat! At one point, one of the large women in a bikini blurted out an obscenity and the other large woman in a bikini reminded her that there were "other people's kids" at the pool. What about your own juvenile delinquents?

My children were fascinated. Instead of the usual running around, jumping in the water, and swimming races, they were simply watching...sitting and watching. I had to keep reminding them not to stare, but it almost didn't seem fair cause I couldn't stop staring. It was like they couldn't believe what they were seeing. They knew something was amiss, but they couldn't put their finger on just what was off about these people. It was like that car crash thing where you don't want to watch but you can't help it. You have to understand, it's not like I think I'm so sophisticated. I know I have WT qualities and I embrace them, but I had never felt to high class in my whole life. To top it off, when they left, I watched them leave the pool area, get into several beat up cars and leave the complex. They don't even live here!! What is wrong with people?

**The Long of It**

The Grass is Greener...

My husband and I spent this last weekend with his sister. My sister-in-law is great! She is 31 years old, never married, no kids. She has a wonderful career as a lawyer. She is thin and social and cute. She lives in a wonderful city, but is still near family. She travels with her job and has enough money to travel for pleasure as well. She is debt free. Basically, she has her act together.

I look at her with a bit of envy. I wonder what would have happened if I had made similar choices. I believe that I was probably very much like her in high school, over-achievers, political and very independent. However, somewhere along the road I made the decision that what I really wanted was love, love of a husband and love of children. I put the ball in motion to achieve the things I was looking for. My SIL worked for her goals.

Looking at her life gives me a case of "the grass is greener on the other side"-itis. Sometimes, I long for her freedom, her ability to take care of her own needs without having to put other's first. She and I often have long conversations about life and love, though. Inevitably, these conversations lead to the realization that even though she seems to have the whole world at her fingertips, what she really longs for is someone to share it with. More than everything she has, I think she wants what I have. It makes me wonder if we can ever truly be happy being alone. I know, I know, some people say it but I think that quite possibly there is something innate in us to make us search for our soul mate. I think that is what will also cause us to endure another person's short comings, endure mistreatment and endure terrible stresses that can be caused by a relationship.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if more women could embrace themselves? When you feel happy and loved and fulfilled all on your own, that is when you attract the healthiest relationship.

--The Short of It